These days, it seems everyone is talking about “living a balanced life.” For years I have also repeated this mantra, believing that gaining more life balance is the best way to keep my authentic self from sliding under the carpet of life’s never-ending demands. However, I now question whether the goal of “living a more balanced life” serves my life or is even realistic.
Instead of being more fulfilled, I find myself becoming frustrated by the concept of living a more balanced life. When I approach life using the “balance” mantra, I find there is always an area in my life that receives little attention and so I wonder, why does “living a balanced life” continue to elude me?
What Does Balance Mean To You?
Balance does not mean the same thing for all people. I have always defined balance as being able to regularly give attention to my life’s priorities. Basically, to give balanced attention. To be able to disperse my energy (somewhat evenly) with the intention that I do not deplete areas in my life that are important to me. The areas in my life that I focus on include Spiritual, Physical, Financial, Relational and Mental.
Is this similar to your concept of a balanced life? Different?
I can’t say whether the concept of balance is flawed for everyone, but I do know that “seeking a balanced life” no longer works for me.
They may only be words but words are a powerful force in your life.
Why are so many people “seeking a more balanced life?” Balance implies equilibrium or stability produced by an even distribution of weight. I don’t believe life evenly distributes it’s weight. Is life by nature in a state of equilibrium?
Balance is also used to describe someones emotional or mental state (as being calm.) Having a calm disposition amidst a dynamic and inspired life make more sense to me. Perhaps it is a calm disposition people are actually seeking, instead of a balanced life?
So Is The Concept of Living a Balanced Life Bogus?
This week we saw James Arthur Ray live in Vancouver. It was one year ago that James Ray that first introduced the idea to me that “Balance is Bogus.” He sees the quest for balance as an illusion, an impossible dream. And I have to admit, when I first heard his idea of balance is bogus, it came as a relief to me!
Whether you think balance is bogus or not depends on who you are. Perhaps you already feel you “live a life of balance?”
But seeking a balanced life is not the right answer for all of us. Is it possible that you have grabbed the “living a more balanced life” mantra when another perspective may be more helpful to you?
I think the quest for balance depends on what you want out of your life at any given time. If you are trying to achieve balance while looking for a breakthrough in some area of your life, it’s no wonder balance can feel like an impossible dream!
In his book Harmonic Wealth, James Ray suggests that instead of balance, you should be seeking Harmony:
Think of a scale. In perfect balance, nothing is happening. There’s no dynamism, no life or vibrancy. Now think of a jazz band in action – the life and action are palpable, aren’t they? The performers in this band have less to do with melody and more to do with improvising. They give life to the nuance and the music takes shape in the moment. That’s harmony. The different parts aren’t balanced-sometimes the saxophone leads. Sometimes it’s the bass, or the drum or lead guitar. Whatever instrument is out in front in the moment, they’re all contributing, all creating that amazing thing called music.
I want you to think of your life this way. When you are in harmony, some days your parenting skills will lead. Other times it’ll be your job or your school. On certain occasions your marriage will take center stage. Some days you’re going to be running on two hours sleep, having worn the same clothes three days in a row. It may not be pretty, but that may just be just what it takes to finish the business plan that lands you the big dollars and the nourishing rest and relaxation that follows.
Perfect balance is death of mind and death of spirit.
Maybe it’s time to re-examine this popular mantra. Seeking balance among a dynamic life seems to go against it’s natural and constantly changing flow.
“But I’ve Achieved Balance With a Schedule!”
Many people claim that creating a more balanced life is made possible by using a schedule.
I have found that using a schedule to help me create more balance only leaves me feeling depleted in all areas! (by scheduling the key areas: Spiritual, Physical, Financial, Relational and Mental)
As I see it, the problem with using a schedule to help create a balanced life is that the schedule ends up dispersing my attention and energy over too many areas. When energy is dispersed over too many areas, breakthroughs and growth become more difficult.
I now use schedules as a management tool to prevent me from losing track of the necessary aspects of my life, but not to help me create a more balanced life.
Personal Growth and Transformation Require Energy!
Most everyone in the personal transformation industry will agree that in order to grow and achieve major breakthroughs in any area of your life, sustained and focused energy is required.
If I look back on our lives over the last few years I would say that our lives have not been very balanced. At the same time, we have grown immensely in a few key areas of our life.
My husband has become very successful in his industry. Looking back on his growth an an entrepreneur, it’s not balance that made him successful! A lot of hard work, personal changes, risk and sacrifice, late nights of creativity, work weekends etc were all required of him. But the high demands in his business are not present ALL the time. The demands come in waves. Much like a creative and dynamic life in motion.
Many powerful and influential men and women that we have met in the last 2-3 years are not living a balanced life either! Are they happy and fulfilled? I would say that on the whole, they seem to the most fulfilled and purpose driven group I have ever met.
Why?
They are not reigned in by the concept of “living a balanced life.” Instead, they approach their life like an jazz musician. They focus on a key area in their life with sustained energy and attention while the other keys also contribute to the harmony. When the harmony shifts and another key takes center stage, they flow with the harmony and give the key the attention it deserves.
You may not always be able to see the harmony in the moment, but I believe harmony is a much more realistic way to approach my life. How about you?
Would viewing your life as a “harmony” rather than seeking to “live a more balanced life” be a helpful change in perspective for you?
These are my thoughts on living a healthy and simple life. I'm a modern mom with some traditional ideas. At home, I try to clear the confusion from all the conflicting health and parenting advice with some common sense and a natural philosophy. This is the sanest way I know how to navigate the 21 century.
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What James Arthur Ray said about harmony really stuck with me. I knew it, but could never articulate it the way he did so succinctly. The rest of his presentation wasn’t bad either.
I really enjoyed reading your perspective and distillation of the concept that hit me over the head a couple years ago.
Elliott – 21st Century Dads last blog post..Black Bean Salad Recipe
Oh wow…this is the best post I’ve read in your article!! I’ve been meaning to check out Harmonic Wealth but have no chance, for the obvious reason of not having the time yet so far. I’m glad that you are doing an introduction of what James Arthur Ray says.
The issue of life balance is definitely certainly something that I hope to have more understanding of. I’m sure that you already know that having a family can change a lot of how we spend our time during the day.
I’ve also often asked myself how much time do I want to commit in being online. Yes, I’d say that my online business is what is taking center stage when I am not with my kids.
I’d be pondering over what you’ve shared in this article. Thanks!!
Evelyn Lims last blog post..How To Ground Yourself In 7 Ways
Good point.
Life is not balance and stillness, death is balanced. life needs sudden changes, adjustments, unexpected, challenges. You outlined very well the subtle difference between balance and harmony.
You can have balance, but only as a part of your bigger picture, as an element of your harmonical life.
Thanks for sharing
Dragos Rouas last blog post..Passion Is Power
This is exactly what I teach my students in my herbalism 101 course (even though I call the lesson ‘balance’)
You don’t have to give all areas of your life attention all at the same time- in fact that would be extremely boring!
Also I think it is so important to know your own body’s cycles. I get a surge of energy in the spring time ( right after my winter hibernation type instinct) I go with it! I start my new projects during this time and I am able to do more than I could imagine! Do other things get neglected? Sure! But I get back to them when the time is right. In the summer I like to take vacations- I certainly don’t obsess about work during this time. ~This is true healthy ‘balance’ you are right it is a beautiful symphony of life.
I am going to include your link in my course, great post!
Angie Goodloes last blog post..Go Green This St Patty’s Day! Take The Pledge From The National Wildlife Federation!
What a great post and so relevant for me right now! (And, I’m sure, for a lot of WAHM/SAHM mama’s!)
In fact, I just had a conversation with my mother yesterday about balancing my time now that we are about to move to a new apartment. I’ve had a lot of the same observations you speak of, but never a name to call them or a resource to link with them — thanks for the introduction to James Arthur Ray!
I do think it’s wise to allow your body to observe cycles of interest and focus, sometimes I like to think of it in terms of the creative cycles of gestation and birth, or the cyclic nature of Yin (inward focus) and Yang (outward focus) observed in the Tao Te Ching. No matter whose philosophy you borrow as an analogy though, the fact remains that our creative energies happen in bursts that beg to be followed, and I’ve learned that I need to give myself an allowance to obsess occasionally!
I’m curious about the schedule you do give yourself to keep important things in line, however. I’ve been trying to adopt a minimal daily routine that will allow habit to take care of some of these things for me, but haven’t attained any remarkable success with that. If you have any secrets would love to hear them in another post!
Thanks for the inspiration!
Hope (of hippie dippie bébé)s last blog post..Revisiting Your Relationship With Money
When I read the title I rolled my eyes because no approach I have ever tried, and I have tried several has resulted in balance. I have a basic short list I stick to and from there I go with the flow. Sometimes I’m riding a cresting wave out into the depths. Others times I’m crashing onto the rocks. But usually I’m tidepool along with the last life clinging to the sides by my fingernails. lol
timethiefs last blog post..No Competence – No Success
@Elliott – Yes, I enjoy James Ray’s way of bringing the timeless into the now for practical use. Thank for visiting and taking the time to comment.
@Evelyn – I’m glad you found this interesting! We are doing his HW live event later this year, finally! It’s true that having a family changes everything – balance and time management have been on my mind since then
It’s funny because I became so much more motivated after I had Olivia, while my time became more scarce. Of all the time I had before that I didn’t use to it’s fullest..ha ha, yeesh!
@Dragos – Hmmm..balance as part of your bigger harmonical life..I like that. It sure does not have to be either/or does it?! Thanks for sharing.
@Angie – Great point about your body’s cycles! of coarse. And perhaps this is why the concept of balance may not feel right (even though they try) for so many because it can ignore the natural rhythm happening inside of us. I’m honored to have you use this link in your class, thank you so much!
@Hope – Yeah, it is OK to obsess isn’t it! As long as the concept of balance doesn’t get in the way, as it would for me. I think a minimal daily routine is great, especially for task stuff. I am still working my schedules out myself…yes, a future post perhaps.
@Timethief – Love your description..especially the crashing part. I wonder if crashing is the body’s natural tendency to communicate a much needed break for refueling. The waves always roll back for one more go at the beach don’t they?
What a lovely post! I’ve always used the mantra “balance over time, not every day” and I think that is similar to the concept of harmony that you are discussing here.
Annie @ PhD in Parentings last blog post..The Case Against Breastfeeding: The Voices
Thank you for inviting me to join this conversation. I absolutely love this post. You hit on topics that will be in two of my upcoming posts (one is titled “There is No Such Thing as Life Balance” and the other is titled “I Hate Routines”).
To me, life balance is a practice (not a destination) and it means different things to different people. For me, life balance means balancing the needs of my inner authentic self with the needs of all of the other things that demand my time, attention, and energy. It is not about literally being in a state of balance, it is about being aware of your sense of self and taking action towards living the life you want to life.
Ric Giardina, the author of “Your Authentic Self” and “Become A Life Balance Master”, says there is no such thing as life balance. He goes on to say that does not mean we should stop seeking.
In a recent interview I mentioned that one of the most important aspects of life balance is to acknowledge that your experience with life balance is a journey, not a destination. I cannot stress this enough. I don’t anticipate anyone shouting from the mountain tops “I finally have life balance”. I just don’t see this happening when change is the only constant in life. However, I can imagine a day when millions of people are standing on mountain tops shouting “I am practicing the art of life balance”.
Perhaps the art of life balance is the jazz band. Sometimes different parts of your life take the lead. Sometimes it’s your career, or your relationships, or your health. And like the jazz band, even though there may be parts of your life taking the lead, we can’t forget about the other contributing aspects of your life that make you happy.
Perhaps it is harmony and perhaps it is the practice of life balance. And maybe it is a little of both.
It can be helpful to let go of those unattainable goals we seem to always be setting for ourselves and realize that balance just….well, is. Life always regulates itself.
When I think of balance I think of the scale always moving and if I stay conscious of it I can be aware that one side might need a little more weight, or focus. What I don’t want is my toddler coming over and throwing the scale on the ground and breaking it. That seems unbalanced to me. lol. But I guess even that would balance out somehow
flowerss last blog post..Urban Farming, Recycled Countertops & Positive Media…..Oh Yes!
Hi Monica,
I think life balance is a concept that is very misunderstood, which is why we fail miserably when trying to attain it. The two biggest problems with life balance are:
1) We don’t know what we’re balancing
2) We think we need to balance between time (i.e. give each area of our lives equal time)
The first problem causes confusion and the second causes frustration (because it’s simply impossible and impractical to balance time).
Life balance rests on the premise that we have different needs in different areas of our lives and that we should satisfy those needs. We wouldn’t eat one day and not drink or sleep, then drink the next day and not eat or sleep. Eating, drinking and sleeping are all essential and must be done daily.
The same is true of our life areas. We cannot focus on our careers while totally neglecting our health.
I recently introduced the Personal Growth Map on my site, which is intended to make life balance achievable. You could have a look at it, and I would love to hear what you think of it.
Haiders last blog post..Introducing the Personal Growth Map
hi, You know i’ve always had a really hard time balancing my life. something is always out of whack. now, that i have a son, for some reason i have no choice but to find balance. and i’m finding the necessity of it helpful!
I’ve been a big fan of your blog and have incorporated a bunch of your tips. Finally got a blog up and have nominated your blog for an award!
Also put you on my blogroll so that I will keep coming back:)
Saucy Salsita, AKA
The Green, Sexy Expat – Greening it up in Costa Rica!
This makes SO much sense to me!! I think it’s how I’ve intuitively approached life at times — thinking of things as “seasonal.” So often it is ONE thing that needs the most attention. Sometimes when I give in to that need, I start to think, “Oh, no, my life is out of balance!” But really, it’s not a bad thing! That one area of my life just needs to take the lead for a few bars! The idea of musical harmony is a FABULOUS analogy!
Amandas last blog post..Love and Lemonade
Hi, you’re right about the rubbish. It’ so crazy, that’s why I’m saying costa rica isn’t as eco friendly as everyone thinks it is. the osa peninsula, though, is one of the most untouched places on earth i think!!! it’s so gorgeous there. i love puerto jimenez as well.
Saucy Salsita, AKA The Green, Sexy Expat – Greening it up in Costa Rica!
saucy salsitas last blog post..Saucy Salsita’s Product of the Day
Gave you a shout out, have a great weekend!
Saucy Salsita, AKA The Green Expat Mom – Greening it up in Costa Rica!
saucy salsitas last blog post..Suacy Salsita Traveling the Green Blogosphere
As a musician, improvisationalist, composer and someone intentionally nurturing the various aspects of my life, I love this concept of living a rich, well-tended life. In fact, yes–it is a relief to me to consider this notion. All “voices” are essential for the grounding and texture of a life, but, yes, in my life anyway, different instruments will take the lead. Sometimes it’s a gorgeous, lively duet, sometimes one instrument gets a sustained solo for quite some time. Sometimes I enjoy the lovely ever-changing texture of the various ‘voices’, none too much in the fore. And sometimes there is silence. Rest! We absolutely need that too! So, hurrah–let’s tend the music of our lives, or however you choose to conceive of a life in lively, expressive interchange.
We, as human beings, tend to seek and maintain a stable, constant condition called Homeostasis. And homeostatic imbalance, which results from disturbance of homeostasis, may lead to death or a disease. This homeostasis is made possible through multiple dynamic equilibrium adjustment and regulation mechanisms that make homeostasis possible. As such, it is my opinion that harmony(dynamism) precedes balance(equilibrium). And that balance(equilibrium) is the natural result of a life of harmony.
Smart job:D will visit soon-