Becoming a Mom has definitely accelerated my desire to put to rest some outdated belief systems that I have about myself and to genuinely feel good in my skin. I think it’s a time when the things that truly matter begin to become clear in a way that they never have before.
There are countless suggestions on ways to improve self esteem in adults. There is a universal desire to be happy and at peace with ourselves, others and life. Self esteem is not something that has come easily to me. I have had many hard lessons to learn, mostly in the area of relationships. Because life is a mirror, I can see that a lack of peace in my relationships reflected a poor relationship with myself.
It can be difficult to improve self esteem, especially in adults because many times we will search for affirmation of our worth outside ourselves. For example: we seek love, acceptance, success, appreciation, recognition etc. from others and from our accomplishments. The problem is that self esteem from external sources is fleeting. When the external source flees (because everything is always in a state of change) we are left wondering why feel depleted and try again to improve self esteem.
Why Does it Seem So Difficult to Improve Self Esteem?
A lack of or poor self esteem is a symptom of a greater issue of being in a state of disconnection. Disconnected from our self, others, God and the rhythm of life. A disconnected sense of self. Notice the words “sense of self”.
True self esteem, the kind that sticks around and helps us out, comes when we affirm our self at every level. I have also read that self esteem is simply the feeling of being worthy of happiness. Gee, I like that!
Self esteem also comes from trusting in the power that created you.
All issues that adults face with related to poor self esteem stem from core beliefs that are widely known in self help, psychology and spiritual circles:
True Self esteem comes from KNOWING that you are : WORTHY and ENOUGH as you are.
The problem is that most people get stuck when they try to improve their self esteem because they do not begin by asking themselves two very simple questions:
Am I good enough as I am? Am I enough, without all my accomplishments or perceived lack of accomplishments? Am I enough or do I feel shame about who I am? Do I need to “fix myself” or am I enough as I am? Is there anything to “fix” or can I transition into a state of knowing that I am enough?
Am I worthy of giving and receiving LOVE? This is a huge question that many people will not answer directly or they will assume thatthe answer is yes, when in fact the way they approach their life does not prove that they believe they are worthy of love. When you feel worthy of love a you no longer inhibit yourself from giving and receiving the love you deserve. Each human needs to be loved and to give love. It is a basic human requirement that when it is not met can create much unhappiness.
If you feel poor self esteem – it is not necessarily self esteem that is the issue, it is how you answer these two questions above.
Many times during my journey, I have gotten in to the trap of over examining my life’s experiences. Hashing out all the good, bad and ugly in order to understand and then move forward. I’ve finally realized the problem with this: True self esteem cannot be attained “in spite of” your life experience, personality, status etc.
In order to feel at peace with myself, I needed to learn more about MY true SELF, not more about my life’s experiences or “my story”. I needed to learn to view my life without attachment to ME.
How Adults Can Improve Self Esteem
- Consider the QUALITY of the energy you surround yourself with. How is your nutrition? Energy in energy out. Really – it’s true! What types of TV shows do you watch? Do these people represent the person you want to become? How much time is it taking away from you working towards doing what you love? Get in the presence of successful people, either locally or through books, DVD’s, CD’s, audio etc who posses the traits you appreciate.
- Don’t Take Advice From Unhappy People. Period! And never berate yourself in order to find common ground with another. I know this one all to well! If you hold yourself up, you’ll encourage others to do the same. I love this beautiful quote from Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
- Live Consciously. Be willing to accept reality exactly as it is. No more stories. This takes some getting used to, but when I finally recognized and understood that all unhappiness comes from being in a state of RESISTANCE – it was easier to stop resisting in the moment. Now I continually ask myself if I am in agreement with what is happening, or am I resisting. EVERYTIME there is stress – I am resisting the moment. Even though there are seemingly justifiable reasons to resist at times, ACCEPTING immediately puts your “life boat” into the flow of the river. I love it – it’s so reliable!
- Accept Yourself. Give yourself permission to think and feel whatever you feel and be entirely responsible for the experience you are having. You don’t have anything to prove.
- Live With Purpose. Give yourself the gift of doing what you love. Every single one of us has a unique gift to offer the world. What is it that you love to do, even if it’s “impractical”? Stop negating your dreams!
- BE With Nature. Spend as much time as possible in the great outdoors. Much inspiration and clarity has come when I am spending time in my favorite spots.
One of the things I love most about all my resources is that they provided me with a new language. A new way to describe my dreams, the vision for my life and to help me step WAYYYYY out of the box. In a good way!
Improve Your Self Esteem With These Valuable Resources
Here are three of my favorite resources for getting connected with your true self:
Personal Power for Women – This is a 6 week online e-course created by two women who overcame two huge obstacles in their life, depression and eating disorders.
Emotional Freedom Technique – I personally have had great success with EFT and refer everyone I know who has difficulty moving past certain life experiences. I was able to resolve undigested emotional issues at the core by tapping on the meridians to release the cellular memory withing that experience. It is profound and effective.
How to Forgive Yourself – The Magic of Forgiveness – True healing comes when we are able to come from Self Love, Self Compassion and Self Forgiveness. As a former perfectionist, I did not practice self forgiveness at all which made it exceptionally hard to love myself or have compassion for myself. When you can experience what forgiving yourself feels like – you’ll wonder why you haven’t been doing it all your life.
These are my thoughts on living a healthy and simple life. I'm a modern mom with some simple ideas, a little common sense and a natural philosophy. This is the sanest way I know how to navigate the 21 century.
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You are right that we have a lot in common. I like your emphasis on spiritual health, as I think it is the foundation for all we are and do. Your blog is practical, beautiful, and informative.
Jessica @ Practical Nourishments last blog post..Garden Progress- July 2008
Your self-esteem is involved in the decisions you make throughout your day. As you grew from childhood to adulthood outside influences have played a part in setting the level of your self esteem.