Hello Again!

After almost 9 weeks hanging over the toilet and hiding under a blanket I am beginning to feel human again. Sitting over dinner a few nights ago, my husband smiled at me and told me it was good to have me back again. I realized then what it must have been like for my husband, day in and day out, to begin each day without that extra Mom rhythm that we ladies bring. He’s been a trooper. A super duper Daddy tending to the house, shopping, cooking, and working full time every night to catch up on a pile of work in the downstairs office. (Thank God for a home business or I don’t know how we would have managed!)

Liv adjusted fine to a boring Mommy, catering to me by bringing me her blanket and Nu-Nu and signing the hurt sign. She displays astonishing levels of empathy for someone her age, something we noticed when she was a little over 12 months old. After a few weeks though, I found it hard to shake the nagging feeling of Bad Mommy guilt that I couldn’t do more with her, that she wasn’t getting enough outside time and that I was relying too much time on the video’s. We eventually hired her pal to take her out in the afternoons to swing and dig at the park. It was a relief to have someone close at hand that she loves to be with.

The guilt came as a surprise to me because logically I knew it was silly, especially over something like morning sickness, but usually these emotions have little to do with the current situation. After a little wrangling, I realized I still put myself under a lot of pressure to be everything! I have calmed and accepted myself so much in motherhood, but still, under the surface the bubbles of pressure remain. It was a reminder to tell myself again that it’s OK, everything will be fine, there will not be any lasting damage inflicted by my so called “neglect.”

I feel silly to even write this, but I read so often about the sense of perfection that so many of Moms grapple with. We try to do right for and by our children. In the midst of the perfection I know that there is an admirable quality of integrity and authenticity. It was a gentle reminder to accept the situation as it Is, to let go of the emotional drama associated with not being in control (an illusion anyways!) and to know that it’s the ups and downs of life that shape great families. A little morning sickness? We would be just fine!

I’ve rediscovered that the best feeling in the world is the end of sick. The time when you begin to get the energy back that you’ve forgotten you had. Energy – it always feels like a million bucks to me. I have a lot of work to do to get the blog back on track with visitors and traffic, to visit my other blog pals and see what they’ve been up to and to do the savvy edits that I want on HGM. Anyone know a great wordpress theme editor I can hire?

Thanks for hanging by and sending your well wishes. Love ya’all and talk to ya soon. Monica