My HypnoBirthing Story

What is HypnoBirthing? Read my other article about pain free births: HypnoBirthing, The Mongon Method

We Are Given What We Require to Grow into Our Creative Potential

The gentle and pain free birth of my second really begins with the birth of my first child, our  beloved daughter Olivia. The incredible birth of my son was very much influenced by the decisions I made before the birth. I believe we are all given the birth we require. Some women are conscious of this opportunity to learn more about themselves and what is possible, and some are not.

For as long as I can remember, I have admire and wished I could be one of those women who births naturally at home. When I became pregnant with my first, the only option in my mind was to have a natural birth without drugs. I received very little support from women who chose epidurals and women who birthed natural told me their horror stories and then said, “but you can to it, just get it done.” I went the traditional route however, passing off my desire for a home birth because it was my first and I was nervous of “the unknown.” In hindsight, I accept that I did not educate myself enough to make a fully empowered choice. My choice to birth naturally in a hospital did, however, teach me something very powerful that enabled me to have the birth of my dreams two years later.

The Lesson

Going into the birth of my first, I was not sure if I could handle it. Looking back, I hoped and prayed it would go well, but I did not feel truly prepared or empowered. I knew I was a “strong woman” but of coarse I also had no idea what birth was like except for the stories I was told, which did not leave me feeling optimistic. I had prepared with traditional Lamaze classes and I noticed how little they supported a natural birthing mother. Much of the discussion centered around  “back up plan” for drugs.

In labor, I was taken back by the power of the contractions but I went inside and mustered my courage for a natural birth. The only plan I had was to “birth naturally.” I viewed it as  the “summit” of the birthing experience.

The labor rolled on and then slowed at 6cm dilation where I accepted the suggestion to break my water. This is when the fun really began. Surges that were manageable before, suddenly became incredibly painful and I was rocked by the intensity. The birth classes proved to be utterly useless.

Looking back at what I know now, I felt at this time, that I was separate from baby…as though we were not birthing together. Instead, I was “surviving” the birth. By the transition phase at 10 cm, I surrendered and accepted gas. Because of my previous history, the gas triggered an anxiety attack that hid from everyone. Even my husband did not know what was happening to me as I felt myself spiral down.

I was congratulated for being such an “amazing and stoic woman” after the birth. They felt my birth had gone so well and yet I felt so humiliated and dis-empowered. I had accepted a drug when my only goal was to birth naturally. I had been terrified by the pain and I had felt completely ill equipped as a woman to handle it. I had ran when I knew I could have embraced the experience differently. I knew that there was something about this birth experience that I had missed, but I could not put my finger on it just yet. It was my intuition that told me this.

Following the birth of my first, I took about 16 weeks to heal from the stitches, and unfortunately, I experienced post-partum depression for about 10 months. There were so many aspects where I gave my power and voice away during the birth that I feel this influenced how I felt entering into motherhood.

The Opportunity for a Peaceful Empowering Birth

Nearly two years later I was weeks away from giving birth to my second.

In the beginning of the pregnancy, I went the same route as my first – doctor and hospital. But one day I met with a friend and she casually said that her second birth was very “spiritual.” I was intrigued? Spiritual? What does that mean?

I still pondered the idea of a home birth but I was scared of the “unknown.” My doctor was “good” and she delivered my first. I was hesitant to rock the boat, but the desire to explore what a “spiritual birth” meant to me persisted. I began to research birth online and quite by chance, a blogger published her “pain free” birth story using HypnoBirhting. She was so relaxed that nobody believed she was in labor!

I decided to hire a HypnoBirthing Coach late into my pregnancy. At 34 weeks, I began the recommended 5 sessions. After my first session, I brought my passionate desire to use HypnoBirhting to my doctor. I assumed a female doctor would share my desire to birth as powerfully as possible but she was threatened by my desire to self direct my birth and accused me of  potentially doing something to harm my baby. (the famous “fear of the unknown” scare tactic)

I felt very betrayed by my doctor. I was hurt but then I was angry. I  knew she was not on my team, so at 35 weeks, I fired her. I was completely without any birth support and only weeks away from my due date. I spent the next 3 days calling midwives around the province (canada) who would possibly take me on. Typically, every office is booked 30 weeks in advance so I was not having any success.

The Choice is Made, My Dreams are Possible

This was the point where I mustered up a vision & faith for my birth. It was distressing on one hand, but incredibly liberating on the other. I was birthing my way and I began to trust that things would work out so long as I released fear. At 36 weeks I finally found a local office who agreed to take me on. As soon as I had secured a midwife, I committed to a home birth. (Doctors do not attend home births in Canada) I was given statistics and information from my midwife that is approved by the Canadian Government and I was completely reassured that in many cases, home birth is the safest place to birth. I then completed my 3rd HypnoBirthing session.

At 38 weeks, I received my second midwife appointment. I grabbed a birthing pool, “just in case.” The very next morning, I went into labor!  My husband left the house to gather the supplies for a home birth. My birth story inspires me because all my major decisions were made in the final month of my pregnancy! I feel many women make a decision for their birth and then they are afraid to change it. I changed my mind and it was the best decision I have ever made!

The beginning surges were mostly in my back, as it was with my first baby and I begin to feel self doubt again. I worried that back labor would spoil my desire to have a “pain free & peaceful birth.” The labor slowed during the day but picked up again shortly after putting my daughter to bed. My husband continued to prepare the birthing room.

I’ve heard you can sleep in early labor but I was too excited to lie down. I pondered a movie, but since it’s only my husband and I, I decided to “stay in the zone” and fill the bathtub instead. In hindsight, being alone to labor was ideal. No distraction allowed me to completely sink into the experience.With an essential oil of rose facecloth draped over my face, I labored in the tub. No music, no talking, just a deeply relaxing HypnoBirthing CD.

The surges came often, and while they were still in my back, the thought of pain had totally diminished. This time, I breathed in a way that felt productive to me and baby. At one point,  I acknowledged where many women would ask for an epidural, however I completely released the feeling of pain and returned to total relaxation. This was an exhilarating realization.

I asked my husband to fill the birthing pool but he blew me off, thinking we had more time. Clearly he was remembering and expecting the look on my face with our first born! He reassured me that he wanted to be sure the pool temperature was “just right” for the birth. I continue to ask, and finally he began filling the pool. Within 10 minutes we run out of hot water. OOPS!
My husband continued to fill the pool by running up and down the stairs with pots and a kettle while I labored in the bath tub. I felt the surges intensify. We had not bothered to time the surges because they were so manageable but now it was time to measure our progress. We called our HypnoBirthing Coach in, who lived one hour away.

Putting Peace into Practice

I began to feel some fear at this point. Perhaps it was because everything was going so well, a fear creeped in as if it was all too good to be true, so my coach relaxed me over the phone and helped me release my fears about the cord being wrapped about the baby’s head. My previous sessions went very deep into my fears and I did a lot of work on visualizing the birth of my dreams so relaxing at this point had already been well rehearsed.

I began to have a hard time expressing my needs to my husband. It was the same point in hindsight, that I had accepted the gas with my first. As I peered down at my belly, I noticed that it had begun to flatten out. Baby was moving down! The power of the surges took my breath away, but I was still relaxed so what I actually felt was the power of my inner body squeezing around our baby. I relaxed while my body worked!

(In hindsight, I love the fact that I was not checked to “see how far along” I was. This practice is so disturbing to “the zone” and I think it leads to disappointment if the progression does not match expectations. The disappointment and perhaps distrust in the birth process can easily shift the labor out of the hands and intuition of the mother and into the hands of other who do not have the same intention for your birth.

I asked my husband to call the midwives as well. I had to get out of the bathtub. I was so ready for the pool but it was not ready yet! I remember feeling guilty for calling the midwives, in case I has misjudged the time and called too early. To add to the adventure, our midwife declared that her other client was also in labor and chose to be in a hospital, so that we would have to meet her there!

I blurted out that “I am ‘pushing’ and there is no way I’m getting in a car right now!”

My husband flew around filling the pool. Water sprayed everywhere. He was a little flustered, but not too bad. My legs began to shake from the hormones and dampness from my long bath. When I finally got into the pool, it was HEAVEN!! It really should be the standard. It was dark, except for a candle. Our midwife arrived and checked me,  declaring that our baby is “right there.”

That was a sweet sound!

Discovering My Innate Birthing Wisdom

My birth coach arrived soon after. I drank water but declined a fruit snack. Even though I knew many HypnoBirthing moms snack through labor, the the memory of puking with our first turned me off. Then my coach dropped me into the deepest relaxation I have ever been in. It was literally “lights out” as my body floated to the top of the pool. When the surges came, the bearing down was so intense yet relaxed and I felt joyful – even ecstatic!

I felt intensely powerful. Warrior like. There were many moments that took my breath away, but never did I feel a loss of my power. There were, perhaps, moments where I was faced with a decision. And each time I was empowered to TRUST and SURRENDER to my baby and body.

I feel this is the line each women come up to during birth, some earlier on and some later along the labor, but this is where we have the power to choose fear or faith. It’s where we signal to our body to produce more adrenaline or more oxytocin and it is controlled by our emotions.

I connected to the process and floated while my body birthed my baby. I did not push with any of my external muscles. I did not scream or cry in pain. I remember uttering the most powerful “song” that seemed to come from my belly.
Just before crowing, my water finally broke. This was one big bone of contention with my former doctor who said she would not allow me to birth with the water in tact lest she got sprayed in the process. Doctor centered? Or mother/baby centered?

I decided to squat with my upper body draped over the side of the pool. I breathed deeply using the special HypnoBirthing breathing techniques. My husband got into the pool ready to catch our baby while I felt the classic “ring of fire.” This is the second point where I felt scared. I tore with my first and endured a long 4 month recovery with sits baths. I felt myself get tense, but I remembered the videos I watched of mothers birthing their own children and I remembered from those videos that I could slow things down. No one was telling me to “push.”

My coach quietly asked if I was holding back on birthing him. I could not communicate what I was doing, only that I did not want to rip again. Again I felt empowered and breathed deeply through two surges  (She later said to me that this part of the labor was so amazing for her to watch. I was birthing my way and it was perfect! In hindsight, lingering a little longer for the crowning allowed Evan’s head to adjust to my size so there was no discomfort apart from the brief initial discomfort.) Women are generally encouraged to push baby out at this point. I personally feel it should go more slowly.

There was only a small patch of hair showing at this point, but just as I rolled out of the squat and on to my back, baby’s head fully emerged. I did not feel a thing! No pain whatsoever. I placed my hand over the top of his head and felt him wiggling inside of me, trying to swim the rest of his way out. We were all shocked at the ease and speed that he crowned and was birthed into the pool.

My Dream Becomes a Reality

Evan Lucas was born at 2:10am. Norb placed him on my chest and Evan took his first breath of life. A sleepy eyed Liv was immediately brought into the room. She whispered “my baby brother..ohhhh wow!” while we sat back as a family and soaked the entire birth experience. Around 4:30am we retired to the warm comfort of our bed.

A water birth at home would have been amazing, but for us using the HypnoBirthing method along with a home water birth is really the icing on the cake. It was truly delicious! I felt incredible. I did not rip, I declined the hormone shot, birthed the placenta naturally and within 24 hours, my perineum had returned back to normal. There was no sore muscles or bruising. More than that, I felt like I could take a big hike because there was simply no post-partum discomfort. I had allowed my body to birth from inside and instead of  sore muscles and a fatigued body I was rewarded with energy.

Saying YES to my dream birth and birthing my way, despite all the obstacles we faced was a life changing experience. I have come to realize that each of us are given the birth experience we require. I had no idea that my desire for a more “empowered and spiritual” birth would lead me to this point. This was my big success that empowered me in all areas of my life. The connection with my son on my second birth gave me the strength to heal my feelings around my first birth.

What Does My Spiritual Birth Mean For Your Birth?

I know the fears I moved through. They were big. I doubted I could be that woman, who births easily and naturally at home. My birth has secured a knowing that any women who desires her dream birth can make it happen. We may not always get the birth we want, when we want it, but our births have a tremendous opportunity within them. I share my birth story with any woman who will listen but I find that the belief that birth has to be hard and painful is so deeply engrained in our subconscious that they do not think it is possible for them as well.

I look back on my birth experience and see each birth as a result of decisions I made or did not make. Prior to the births, I made choices and during the births I made choices. Some were empowering and honored my authentic voice and some were not.

This is how I feel we possess so much power over our birth instead of accepting that we are mearly bystanders in this process.

I have learned that it is so important not to judge your birth experience, especially if did not do the way you had hoped. We are given the gift of understanding and learning. Regardless of how a birth goes, we always have the power to choose whether we will use it to empower us or limit us in some way.  It’s all choices. If you are reading this story, you likely feel a calling to create an empowered birth as well.

Declare your dream and own your voice, this is your right and it is your birth story to create.

Tagged as: Gentle birth, hypnobirthing story