The last couple weeks have been quite a roller coaster ride. This was certainly not what I expected when I embarked on this HypnoBirthing journey. I’m not normally one to rant on HGM…so bear with me!
I am a healthy woman. This has been a textbook pregnancy with no maternal complications. I am physically the strongest I have ever been. Mentally as well. We have confirmed that baby is perfectly healthy, even with a pelvic kidney, there is no cause for concern other than checking baby out a week or so after birth.
On quite a high from being totally empowered by the approaching birth, I naively thought I would find support from my female doctor. Surely she would understand the call of a woman to reclaim her birth experience? Sadly, my doctor was less than enthusiastic when I shared my birth plan. Actually, she was argumentative and slightly abusive.
Although knowing absolutely nothing about HypnoBirthing, she seemed to think is was an abomination that I would even consider listening to my own body and follow my own contractions as a guide for “breathing baby down” instead of relying on prompted calls to push. Choose an alternate birth position and dare to refuse my water being broken unless medically necessary.? Not on her watch! She revealed to me that she WILL break my water so it does not splash in her face! What an unbelievable intrusion that is not hers to dictate unless medically required. Babies have been born enclosed in their sack. Can you imagine a more gentle transition into this world? How can any practitioner can take that away from the baby and mother because of their personal preferences disguised as “procedure.”
I suddenly found myself defending my desire to have a natural and gentle hospital birth, as unassisted as possible. She used all the usual fear based rhetoric to cite every possible scenario that could go wrong. And I wonder why women these days have such a fear of childbirth? Gee, do you think the fear has anything at all to do with how things turn out? Fear is debilitating in life, why would it not also impact how a birth plays out?
I left the office shattered and soon in tears. What I felt most was a feeling of dis-empowerment. I had allowed someone to get under my skin, question my own body, the natural process, and fill me up with fear. How easy it would be to turn control over to someone else to handle an experience that was rightfully mine and my baby’s to decide and experience for ourselves.
When I think about the terror many women feel towards their birth, I understand how they get there with the type of suggestive language that was used on me that made me doubt my own body and abilities while in that office. The doctor has the power, who am I to question “procedures?”
I experienced first hand what the birth activists are trying so hard to communicate to us about how we have given away our power, our faith in our bodies and in the natural process of birth. Somehow, by requesting that we follow a natural and gentle birth plan, I was taking my baby’s life in to my own hands. What a stretch!
I decided to search for a new provider. My doctor had broken my trust and I was not confident that she would support me fully in what I want to achieve for our birth. Instead of being “woman centered” I was fast approaching a “doctor centered” birth experience.
In Canada, we have 2 options. Hospital or home birth. Doctor or Midwife. There are no birth centers here. Finding a midwife with 3 1/2 weeks to go is pretty next to impossible. We are in short supply, you need to grab a midwife the second the dipstick turns pink. Doctors do not like to step on each others toes either, so I was having a very hard time. But I desperately did not want to return to that office.
We had discussed a home birth in the beginning but when we heard about the kidney we let it go, not knowing at that time what we were dealing with. I also surrendered my life long dream (of having a water birth) because my doctor said she personally would never forgive herself “if something went wrong” and she could have been in the hospital. So I surrendered my power months ago by accepting her suggestive language.
Fear gets under the skin, when in reality, there are no guarantees in either setting. Some would argue that there are far more interventions which then cause further complications in a hospital than in home births.
After days of calling and being turned away from countless offices I finally received a call today. The call came 30 minutes before my dreaded 37 week checkup with my doctor. A midwife was willing to take me on – ahhhh divine intervention!
So, I officially fired my doctor today. This is my experience, not hers.
I had to fight hard this week to keep my desire for a natural and gentle birth alive.
We are now making hasty plans to have a home water birth, using the HypnoBirthing method I have been learning these last few weeks. I have an amazing birth coach who also happens to be my HypnoBirthing coach. I am in great hands.
I wanted to share 2 amazing DVD’s that I have watched this week. These videos are so beautiful and profound. All I can say is if you are pregnant or looking to conceive again, these videos are so empowering and insightful.
What Babies Want: An Exploration into the Consciousness of Infants
Birth Into Being: The Russian Waterbirth Experience (amazing even if you do not choose a water birth as it explores Gentle Birthing, first inspired by these Russian women)
Talk to you soon – Be well!
These are my thoughts on living a healthy and simple life. I'm a modern mom with some traditional ideas. At home, I try to clear the confusion from all the conflicting health and parenting advice with some common sense and a natural philosophy. This is the sanest way I know how to navigate the 21 century.
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Good for you! I can’t help but be curious about whether your doctor had any reaction when you told her (if you did) that you were going to use another provider…
Oh Monica I am soooooo happy for you. My dear cousin Kati Titi had a horrific hospital birth with her first baby. She had a homebirth this last time but it was a hypnobirth (I believe). Anyhow, her photos and story can be shared on Facebook. I will email her and make sure she accepts you as a friend on Facebook, you’ll be very inspired. I am so happy for you. I know how upset and nervous you were and this is just amazing.
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I’m sorry. But I’m also afraid that’s typical. I switched OB’s at 33 weeks (last possible week to do so here, but I didn’t know that, just dumb luck!) for the same EXACT reason. I am so glad I did – and I don’t think there is a hard and fast line between midwife=good, OB=bad, either. I absolutely adore my OB (the new one), she participated in my and my daughter’s care with me as an equal partner. I was glad to be in the hospital because while the birth went fairly well, it was not a “normal” birth and I hemmorhaged afterward. That said, I also hemmorrhaged again 5 days later at home and the ambulance got me to the hospital in time, as long as you are with a midwife who knows when you’ve gotta go, you’ll be fine!
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Oh no…what an awful experience with the female doctor. It’s great that you fired her. I am glad to know that you have managed to find a midwife and a coach who are going to assist you. All the best!! I have you in my prayers!!
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Good for you Monica! I wish I had followed my intuition that late in the game too, because my birth experience was not at all what I imagined, and I felt pressured and scared into having procedures done that had I been in a different frame of mind (ie. not in labor), I would have refused. I really look forward to hearing how things work out! It’s great that you’ve taken control over YOUR experience and will be more comfortable in an occasion that is worth remembering, not fearing.
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@Lu – I decided to avoid any more drama with her and simply said that I have decided to have a home birth, which doctors in Canada cannot do. So it was simple really! Thanks for visiting
@Sommer – Yeah, I was reeling a bit wasn’t I?! ha ha. Thanks for connecting me with your cousin, I’ll look her up on Facebook, it’s fun to see how each woman’s experience is.
@Misty – I think you are right about the OB/Midwife thing. there are lots of amazing OB’s. One thing that struck me though when speaking to my British friend was that it is ALL midwives for babies and doctors are only called upon in an emergency. So the midwives have daily experience with babies and doctors also practice in which they were exclusively trained. It’s a win win. Imagine how that would free up come of the issues to do with medicare in our countries?
@Evelyn – Thank you for your prayers and positivity. It means a lot to me
@Kathleen – Thanks Kathleen. I think no matter how things work out for us, it feels different with a midwife knowing that we are responsible for our decisions her on in. I had this discussion with my midwife about how the mindset shifts because in a doctor setting it can be so easy (and simple) to release responsibility (to free ourselves in a way). You know though, I totally relate to you having felt pressured into procedures, and even if you can’t change that event, what a powerful learning experience. I think the more responsibility I take for my health, the more I am tested to speak my mind or make a decision..it’s funny like that. The responsibility never ends! ha ha. I’m glad you stopped by, thanks
Good for you Monica,
I have known a number of women with female doctors who felt safe in their hands because they were women, and even more so, felt “obliged” to have them deliver their baby because of their past relationship. I knew a woman who stayed with her doctor after she’d had a c-section who really wanted a VBAC and her doctor was supportive but only to a point, and from what she was telling me the doc was giving her bs information. This was right around when I was planning my own VBAC. She could have changed providers and gotten a midwife, my midwives said they’d take her on and I told her this, gave her literature to read about VBACS, but in the end she stayed with her doctor because she didn’t want to hurt her feelings, and she ended up with another c-section because her labour didn’t follow the right schedule. I’m glad you took your power back. I wish more women felt strong enough to do what you did.
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So glad you found someone who shares your values more closely! One benefit to home birth that can’t be emphasized enough is the value of being in your own personal space. Subconsciously (or consciously) we all know that hospitals are places where you go when things are not right, when something is wrong. Add to that the medicalization of the monitoring equipment and you get a place where it’s very difficult to find your own power in the knowledge that everything is OK, you can do this, it is all as it should be.
Being at home is so reassuring in that regard. Birth, in my opinion, is quite a private thing. Having had a baby both in a hospital setting and at home, I can say from experience that it is so much easier to achieve a state of pure bliss when giving birth in your own private space! I’m sure there are powerful women who’ve had this in the hospital as well, but for me it was all about being at home, with my family. So excited for you that this possibility has opened up! And how excellent that you are already prepared with Hypnobirthing and can add a home water birth to your experience!
Thank you for stopping by hippie dippie bébé and reading my water birth story, too!
There are several resources for planning a water birth on my site as well:
http://www.hippiedippiebebe.com/childbirth/plans-for-the-birth/
Have a wonderful birth! I’m sure your midwife will be there for you, but feel free to email me if you have any last minute questions on setup. What an exciting time for you and what a learning experience about your own ability to stand up for your values and your personal power. Best to your family in these exciting weeks!
With my first baby, I told my female doctor that I didn’t want to be induced if the baby was late until two weeks had passed. She told me the new protocol was ‘one week’ and got an attitude with me. Fortunately, the baby came the morning I was scheduled to be induced at one week.
I picked a different doctor – a male – in the office for my second baby. (She had actually left their practice by then). I found that the male doctor was a lot more empathetic than the female doctor ever was.