Wow, where has the time gone? So many times I’ve wanted to get online and share what’s been going on around here but finding the time to write has been challenging. When I get the urge to write (which is often) I have mostly been able to put it out of my mind otherwise my focus is split and Iturn into a big old grouch. Evan is now 23 weeks and Liv is a very spirited two and a half year old. If I actually get to hit publish on this today..wow.

We have moved twice since June. Once to a new city, and once again to the house we were waiting for. Moving is never fun and we have moved more times than I care to remember. The silver lining is the purge of “stuff” each time we discover even more things we can live without and a new resolve to stop buying on impulse.

I continue to be amazed at all the benefits I’ve received since using the HypnoBirthing method. I think more women would take the time to learn about the wisdom it offers if only they knew how much it could transform their experience.

In the days after Evans water birth, I did not have any sore muscles. In  fact, my body to this date has never felt so strong. The normal perineum swelling went away within hours and I did not have any of the “just given birth” feelings.

More than the physical benefits, I think being at peace with our experience and not carrying any baggage into my relationship with Evan has been profoundly eye opening. I have learned so much. The birth experience matters because birth energy sticks around, for better or worse. Had I known what I know now, I would have made much different birth choices for Liv’s birth. C’est la vie! Both experiences are what they are though and now I have a new perspective of which I consider a gift. I’ve certainly learned that the onus is on us to make choices (whatever the may be) or the choices will be made for us.

I was prepared for some postpartum anxiety and depression but I have been feeling pretty good so far. Exhausted, but good. Mostly, I think I have managed my expectations much better this time around. If I’m not able to do or get to something, I try to let it go. In hindsight, I had too much to prove the first time around. I placed tremendous pressure on myself and thus the anxiety and rattled nerves. So far, I’ve managed to set aside the “I can do it all” mindset.

The other big realization is that I have been carrying some anger from Liv’s birth. The anger stems from not having the courage to tell my doctor to get her friggin’ hands off me when Liv was crowning. There is absolutely no reason a doctor needs to push back your skin around the emerging head (thus causing excessive tearing). Intuitively, I knew what was happening was unnecessary. The pain shocked and humbled me and while everything inside screamed STOP…I was mute. It amazes me how much they think they know, yet how much they tend to mess it up (cause they just can’t let someone else be in control for a change). I wish more space and respect was given to a mothers innate birthing wisdom.

We have been drinking up every moment of the infant stage. It just goes by too fast. Evan is such a happy little guy. He is fairly easy to soothe so our transition into a family of four has been much easier – although the new level of chaos and busyness has taken some time to get used to. The baby carrier has been my life saver!!

Evan was sleeping in our bed until just recently. Now I am transitioning him into his own bed. I was too nervous and such a light sleeper to bed share with Liv. Instead we co-slept with a cradle beside us. Bed sharing with Evan has been delightful and I’m so glad to have had this experience. I’d love to say I’m getting sleep, but I’m up every two-three hours right now. Sigh…this too shall pass.

One thing that took me by surprise was how much I wanted to hold Liv as a baby again. I was melancholic for the first two months watching my little girl become a big sister, outgrowing my concepts of her and realizing I had to let go. A toddler and now big sister seeking independence while I mourn the end of Liv as my baby. I still carry some regret about having post-partum with her. The more I relish Evan’s infancy, the more I long to in some way make up for all the times I was consumed with anxiety and not as emotionally present for her as I could have been. Post partum feels like it stole time from me, and I can’t get it back.

Liv has adjusted so well to having a baby brother. She is quite mothering so I try to include her in as much as I can. At times, she has seemed a bit more emotional towards us and so I am always working to find a new balance where she does not get the short end of the stick. She helps with the diapers and laundry and consoles him with “I know, I know  Evan” when he is fussing…pretty cute really.

Liv and I always used to talk about our day during our snuggle at bedtime. Juggling this special time around Evan has been challenging and after a night of repeated interruptions during her story and snuggle I finally realized it was crazy to try and get Evan down while we put Liv to bed. Why not bring him into her room for a big family snuggle? I assumed that she wanted time alone with me but this night was one of the most special nights yet.

I am nursing Evan successfully and he is packing on the weight. To date he is over 16 pounds. He is a no-soother boy. Spits it out like it’s last weeks leftovers! Even though Liv has been weaned since 14 months, she has decided that one breast is hers and one is Evans. I knew this may happen so when she first said she needed some milk I said OK. She leaned in close to me and pretended to drink. A moment later she said she was all done. “It’s pretty good” she states. She’s outgrown this now and these days she gets an ounce in a glass when I pump and freeze for future use.

Well, that’s our update for now. This is all time allows and…I’m going to hit PUBLISH, I swear!!

I hope you are happy and healthy.

I had to share this funny photo. Is this a sign of things to come?

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Adjusting…Slowly.

What is HypnoBirthing? Read my other article about pain free births: HypnoBirthing, The Mongon Method

Tuesday, April 7. 38 weeks. I attend my second appointment with my new midwifes. I am thanking my lucky stars that they agreed to take us on with only a couple weeks left until my due date. We may just pull off this water birth yet!

We have a great conversation about what we would like to see happen at our birth. I am impressed that my “special” requests” seen to be common practice and I am again at ease…for a few minutes. My midwife then suggests that it may not be possible for us to have Evan at home because of Canadian midwifery guidelines that stress both mother  and baby need to be in perfect health. I can totally appreciate this and although our latest ultrasound results state that everything is perfectly healthy with Evans pelvic kidney, it is the fact that we had an issue in the first place that has our potential home birth in question.  She goes over what a hospital scenario would look like and I  am reassured that a hospital birth in the hands of these midwives while using the HypnoBirthing technique would be noticeably different. She says she will speak with the geneticist, get her recommendation and then get back to me. I cross my fingers. This is just one more obstacle to get past on this bumpy road to the finish line!

On my way out of the office, I decide to grab a birthing pool and liner “just in case.”

That evening, we decide to rent Jim Carrey’s “Yes Man.” I laugh so hard it hurts. It’s a good hurt. I think momentarily that all this laughing will send me into labor.

Wednesday April 8. I wake up and see quite a bit of birth show. Soon after, mild surges (contractions) begin in my lower back. Since this is about 2 weeks earlier than we all expect, I call the midwives to update them and to remind them to confirm with the geneticist so we can have our water birth.

Norb (HealthyGreen Dad) has an important appointment today but I urge him not to go. There’s still quite a lot of supplies we need to have a home birth.  We make a list and he heads out while Liv and I hang out at home. By 11 am the surges are about 5 mins apart and 45 seconds long, and mostly in my back.

I am disappointed about the surges in my back.  I wonder if HypnoBirthing is going to work because I am already familiar with back labor and it feels like we’re headed in that direction again.

The day rolls on and the surges slow to about 20-30 mins apart. Liv is jumping up and down chanting that her “baby brother is coming.” We have a big dinner and read Liv her bedtime stories while 2 intense surges pass. The labor is  rolling again by 7pm. (In hindsight, this is all perfectly coordinated while we get ready.)

I’ve heard you can sleep in early labor but I am too excited to lie down. I toss around watching a movie but think maybe I should stay “in the zone” and get into the bathtub instead. It’s about 9pm and Norb is hustling to get the supplies in one place while inflating the pool. We still don’t know if we have been approved for the home birth.

I’ve been in the bathtub with an essential oil rose scent facecloth draped over my face for about 1.5 hours. It’s totally dark while I listen to a great relaxation CD created by my HypnoBirthing coach. We never did get the time to make a birthing music CD, which is fine because I only feel like the relaxation CD. The surges are coming often. They are still in my back but I am now able to relax pretty deeply and the concept of pain has diminished. The HypnoBirthing breathing is working nicely to keep me focused. I fill up my belly like a big balloon to give space to our baby and slowly exhale all the energy out, relaxing every muscle in my body as much as possible. The surges are intense and the further the labor progresses, the better it feels.

I ask Norb to get the pool ready a few times but he thinks we still have time. I concede, but in the back of my mind I wonder if we are both underestimating how far along I am.  He just wants to be sure the pool temperature is right when we actually need it so he instructs me not to use any more hot water for my bath. It’s all very funny to me, watching him warm my bath by running up and down the stairs to get pots of water from the stove. He’s literally been running all day long! The pots of water and stove mitts feel “pioneer.” I’m feeling confident and excited.

Around 11pm, we time a few surges. They are 1-2 minutes apart for about 90 seconds. This continues for about  a 1/2 hour so we decide to call my birth coach in. She has a one hour drive. My lingering concern is that the cord does not get wrapped around Evan’s neck. We’ve done a lot of work on imagining the birth the way we want it to happen so I do not want to entertain any worries for long. She asks me to visualize Evan on the left side of my belly for a smooth descent and totally free of the cord.

I want Norb beside me now but I find it more difficult to communicate. I can feel an intense “bearing down” sensation. It is so strong. It feels great although the power of it takes my breath away. My outer body is quite relaxed so I can feel every bit of the immense tightening in my uterus. I remember my coach saying that I’ll know baby is coming when the roundness of the belly starts to flatten out on top. I look at my belly and it is definitely flatter!

I ask norb to call the midwives. I have to get out of the bathtub. I’m ready to get in the birthing pool but it’s not ready yet. While I wait on the futon the surges begin to lengthen out again and I almost feel guilty. I’m hoping we’re not calling the midwife in too early. The sensations confuse me even though I see that my belly is changing. I have just completed the transition phase without realizing and now baby is beginning the descent!

(In hindsight, I love the fact that I was not checked to “see how far along” I was. This practice is so disturbing to “the zone” and I think it leads to disappointment if the progression does not match expectations. The disappointment and perhaps distrust in the birth process can easily shift the labor into the hands of others.)

Our midwife tells us that another client is also in labor and chooses to be in the hospital. Since she cannot be in two places at once, we may need to meet her at the hospital. Argggh! It seems like everyone is underestimating how far along I am so finally I blurt out that “I am ‘pushing’ and there is no way I’m getting in a car right now!”  The uncertainty at this point in the labor is just too much.

Norb is rushing to fill the pool. He gets the hose reattached but it’s spraying water all over the room. He’s getting about as flustered as Norb gets (which is not at all) while I’m running through a plan B to have the baby in the bathtub! It’s kinda comical to see the water flying around the bathroom while I’m breathing baby down on the futon. Thankfully, he ditches the hose, grabs 2 buckets and starts hauling the water from the bath tap instead. I’m getting shaky from the hormones and a wet housecoat so I climb into the pool as it’s being filled. I’ve gotta say, a birthing pool is bliss – it really should be the standard!

It’s about 1:00am. I’m laboring in the pool. It’s almost dark except for a candle or two. Even though I have been confident on our own to this point, I am relieved when our midwife finally arrives. Yay…it looks like we get to stay at home! She checks me and says that Evan “right there” and smiling, she says it would be good if we could slow down so she can set up her supplies and so the other midwife can arrive. (we need two attending births in Canada) I figure Evan is about 3 inches away from crowning.

My birth coach has arrives soon after. She gives me delicious drinks of water in between surges but I decline a fruit snack. Even though I know many HypnoBirthing moms snack all the way through, the memory of puking while in labor with Liv turns me off eating. Then she drops me into the deepest relaxation I have ever been in. It’s literally “lights out” as my body floats to the top of the pool. When the surges come, the bearing down is intense yet relaxed and in a most joyful way! I feel happy and totally connected to the process. I don’t have any inclination to “do” anything except relax. Now I understand why me pushing is unnecessary – my body is incredibly powerful right now and already birthing this baby just fine. (It’s as though the lack of tension in my external muscles directs all the power and energy in my body to the uterus)

Soon after, my water finally breaks. It’s a very loud pop and forceful gush into the pool. I had forgotten about my water so it takes me by surprise! The water is immediately checked by my midwife who is so respectful of my space while routinely checking Evans heart rate. I realize that Evan has descended almost all the way through the birth canal in his sac. How amazing to have this gentle protective transition. I also laugh to myself when I realize that had I not been in water, anybody on the other end would have been soaked!  (and why my previous doctor would not allow me to have my water in tact.

At about 1:30am I decide to squat with my upper body draped over the side of the pool. I breathe deeply as my body squeezes around Evan, nudging him further down. Norb is already in the pool and ready to catch his son when he emerges. We can feel a tiny patch of hair now. I can also feel the “ring of fire.” I’m not sure how to get around this sensation because I desperately do not want to rip the way I did with Liv. From the videos we watched, I feel confident that I can avoid tearing by taking things more slowly. After an intense surge, my coach quietly asks if I am hesitating to bring him into the world. I cannot communicate what I am doing, only that I do not want to rip. I feel I know exactly what I am doing in this moment so I breathe deeply and wait.  (She later said to me that this part of the labor was so amazing for her to watch. I was birthing Evan my way and it was perfect!)

The silence in the room is broken by my midwife suggesting that I cup my hand over my perineum and his emerging crown to ease the pressure. It works like a charm but the downward pressure of surging in a squat is too intense so in between surges, I turn to float on my back again. There is only a small patch of hair showing at this point, but just a I turn, Evans head fully emerges. I do not feel a thing! No pain whatsoever. I gently hold the top of his head and I can feel him kicking inside me, trying to swim the rest of his way out! In this moment, he slips easily into Norb’s hands. We are all shocked at the ease and speed of his arrival.

(In hindsight, lingering  a little longer for the crowning allowed Evan’s head to adjust to my size so there was no discomfort apart from the brief initial discomfort. Women are generally encouraged to push baby out at this point. I personally think it should go more slowly.)

Evan Lucas is born at 2:10am. Norb places him on my chest and he takes his first breath of life. Warm towels are placed over both of us. The pool is a little cooler than we’d like so we get out of the pool and on to the futon. A sleepy eyed Liv is immediately brought into the room. She whispers “my baby brother..ohhhh wow!”

Norb cuts the cord while Liv watches. I decline the hormone shot and birth the placenta naturally. Then I am examined and told there is not one single tear! I’m perfectly intact. Yippee!!

The room is dimly lit and peaceful. We sit as a family and soak in the moment. Around 4:30am we retire to the warm comfort of our bed. I feel amazing. I’m so grateful for all the events that have led us to this life changing experience. A water birth at home would have been amazing, but for us using the HypnoBirthing method along with a home water birth is really the icing on the cake. It brought the whole experience together, enabling us to have the most confident, peaceful and joyous experience possible. I’ll treasure this memory forever.

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My HypnoBirthing Story

We did it!

We received little Evan Lucas early in the morning (2am) on Thursday, April 9th. He is 7lbs, 7oz. I delivered him at home, in water using the HypnoBirthing method. It was beyond anything I ever imagined. Truly amazing.

He certainly surprised us, arriving 2 weeks early. My husband scrambled all day Wednesday to get the room and pool ready, plus all the last minute supplies while I went in and out of labor. What a journey the last 2 weeks have been. Here we are now and the vision is realized. I’m on cloud nine!

I’m feeling terrific and enjoying this Babymoon time. I’ll share my birth story very soon but wanted to quickly share our first pictures with you. I hope you have a wonderful Easter weekend with your family.

Evan at 7 hours old

My baby brother!

Our little man.

Proud Daddy

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Welcome Evan Lucas!

The last couple weeks have been quite a roller coaster ride. This was certainly not what I expected when I embarked on this HypnoBirthing journey. I’m not normally one to rant on HGM…so bear with me!

I am a healthy woman. This has been a textbook pregnancy with no maternal complications. I am physically the strongest I have ever been. Mentally as well. We have confirmed that baby is perfectly healthy, even with a pelvic kidney, there is no cause for concern other than checking baby out a week or so after birth.

On quite a high from being totally empowered by the approaching birth, I naively thought I would find support from my female doctor. Surely she would understand the call of a woman to reclaim her birth experience? Sadly, my doctor was less than enthusiastic when I shared my birth plan. Actually, she was argumentative and slightly abusive.

Although knowing absolutely nothing about HypnoBirthing, she seemed to think is was an abomination that I would even consider listening to my own body and follow my own contractions as a guide for “breathing baby down” instead of relying on prompted calls to push. Choose an alternate birth position and dare to refuse my water being broken unless medically necessary.? Not on her watch! She revealed to me that she WILL break my water so it does not splash in her face! What an unbelievable intrusion that is not hers to dictate unless medically required. Babies have been born enclosed in their sack. Can you imagine a more gentle transition into this world?  How can any practitioner can take that away from the baby and mother because of their personal preferences disguised as “procedure.”

I suddenly found myself defending my desire to have a natural and gentle hospital birth, as unassisted as possible. She used all the usual fear based rhetoric to cite every possible scenario that could go wrong. And I wonder why women these days have such a fear of childbirth?  Gee, do you think the fear has anything at all to do with how things turn out? Fear is debilitating in life, why would it not also impact how a birth plays out?

I left the office shattered and soon in tears. What I felt most was a feeling of dis-empowerment. I had allowed someone to get under my skin, question my own body, the natural process, and fill me up with fear. How easy it would be to turn control over to someone else to handle an experience that was rightfully mine and my baby’s to decide and experience for ourselves.

When I think about the terror many women feel towards their birth, I understand how they get there with the type of suggestive language that was used on me that made me doubt my own body and abilities while in that office. The doctor has the power, who am I to question “procedures?”

I experienced first hand what the birth activists are trying so hard to communicate to us about how we have given away our power, our faith in our bodies and in the natural process of birth. Somehow, by requesting that we follow a natural and gentle birth plan, I was taking my baby’s life in to my own hands. What a stretch!

I decided to search for a new provider. My doctor had broken my trust and I was not confident that she would support me fully in what I want to achieve for our birth. Instead of being “woman centered” I was fast approaching a “doctor centered” birth experience.

In Canada, we have 2 options. Hospital or home birth. Doctor or Midwife. There are no birth centers here. Finding a midwife with 3 1/2 weeks to go is pretty next to impossible. We are in short supply, you need to grab a midwife the second the dipstick turns pink.  Doctors do not like to step on each others toes either, so I was having a very hard time. But I desperately did not want to return to that office.

We had discussed a home birth in the beginning but when we heard about the kidney we let it go, not knowing at that time what we were dealing with. I also surrendered my life long dream (of having a water birth) because my doctor said she personally would never forgive herself “if something went wrong” and she could have been in the hospital. So I surrendered my power months ago by accepting her suggestive language.

Fear gets under the skin, when in reality, there are no guarantees in either setting. Some would argue that there are far more interventions which then cause further complications in a hospital than in home births.

After days of calling and being turned away from countless offices I finally received a call today. The call came 30 minutes before my dreaded 37 week checkup with my doctor. A midwife was willing to take me on – ahhhh divine intervention!

So, I officially fired my doctor today. This is my experience, not hers.

I had to fight hard this week to keep my desire for a natural and gentle birth alive.

We are now making hasty plans to have a home water birth, using the HypnoBirthing method I have been learning these last few weeks. I have an amazing birth coach who also happens to be my HypnoBirthing coach. I am in great hands.

I wanted to share 2 amazing DVD’s that I have watched this week. These videos are so beautiful and profound. All I can say is if you are pregnant or looking to conceive again, these videos are so empowering and insightful.

What Babies Want: An Exploration into the Consciousness of Infants

Birth Into Being: The Russian Waterbirth Experience (amazing even if you do not choose a water birth as it explores Gentle Birthing, first inspired by these Russian women)

Talk to you soon – Be well!

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My Quest For A Natural & Gentle Birth

If you are already balking at the very concept of a pain free birth, I urge you to stick with me over the next few weeks! As many of you know, I am weeks away from delivering our second child. I am extremely excited for “the day” and looking forward to the entire birthing experience.

I initially began researching home water births however I soon realized that this was going to be difficult given the lack of midwives in our area and my 16 week delay in getting the ball rolling due to nasty morning sickness.

My next step was to begin researching other alternate birth experiences and immediately found a great HypnoBirthing story from Tiffany@Nature Moms. I decided to look into it further and bought the book HypnoBirthing: The Mongon Method. Needless to say, the book has rocked my world! This combined with a recent conversation with a stranger will contribute a great deal to the following articles.

In this article, read about some basics of HypnoBirthing. Soon after, I’ll follow with my own HypnoBirthing experience!

I hope you’ll join me.  This series is very close to my heart because ultimately it involves a discussion about our unlimited potential and power as women. Whether or not HypnoBirthing is for you, I hope this series will inspire you as it has inspired me. By the end of this series, I hope to have started a discussion about our own birth expectations, to imagine what could be possible if we chose another way to relate to birth, and what this could mean for a generation of future moms?

When you change the way you view birth, the way you birth will change. Marie F. Mongan

What is HypnoBirthing?

HypnoBirthing puts aside the myth that pain must be associated with childbirth.

When a woman is in tune with her body and is able to relax her mind along with her muscles, the birthing process is much easier. We already know that what lingers in the mind is felt by the body as real so using mind/body relaxation techniques are very helpful anytime, and especially during labor. Relaxing and breathing is something that is not easy during the intense labor process but with practice the woman is able to relax the muscles, especially the muscles of the uterine that facilitates the entire process.

HypnoBirthing is a natural process and differs immensely from the medical process.

It incorporates the use of breathing techniques, self-hypnosis and imagery for a shorter and easier birthing process. HypnoBirthing helps to eliminate FEAR, believed to be the main cause of pain and birth complications. Many women have been noted to have not experienced pain when using the method of HypnoBirthing. Marie Mongan, the founder of the HypnoBirthing Institue in New Hampshire, developed the method is now known as “HypnoBirthing – The Mongan Method”.

The entire method revolves around removing the FEAR associated with childbirth.

Many times we are afraid of the unknown and is heightened with many subtle suggestions that are common with our cultural experience with birth. (more on this in the next article) The HypnoBirthing method will help a woman reclaim her body, learn to relax and enjoy the process of childbirth. When a woman is made aware of how the body functions during the birthing process (instead of all the possible things that can go wrong!) she will be able to relax and be in perfect harmony with her body instead of fighting against it.

With HypnoBirthing you are not under a trance or asleep.

You are fully aware of the entire process and in full control, as a woman should be. You will be completely relaxed and aware of your body’s surges. Surge is a term used in place of contractions. Contractions is associated with pain where a surge is just the feeling you will experience during the childbirth process. Language is very important in the HypnoBirthing process, because your body will react to words differently; the use of positive words helps the mind and body relax.

Here are some of the advantages to using the HypnoBirthing method:

• Removes the fear associated with childbirth
• Reduces the need for chemical painkillers
• Eliminates the fatigue associated with childbirth
• Reduces the first stage of labor by several hours
• Promotes the special bonding between mother and child as well as birthing partner
• Makes the birthing process a beautiful experience as nature intended
• More rapid post-natal recovery

As you read the basics about HypnoBirthing, can you imagine a birth that is actually pain free? What if women looked towards their labor with excitement and anticipation instead of fear?

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HypnoBirthing: Can Birth Really Be Pain Free?