Healthy Green Moms » Mindful Parenting

The Week We Stopped Talking

Monica — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 23:16:45 +0000

Although I knew nothing about it at the time, I saw an article on gentle parenting and it instantly resonated with me. Since then, my goal has always been to nurture Olivia’s spirit with loving gentle guidance. I would like to say I have handled these last few month with grace but I cannot. Many times I have not been the parent I aim to be.

When moments of parenting two young children require more from me than I have resources for, I have not made the best decisions I could have. I have surrendered my parenting goals too often with impatience, harshness, unreasonable expectations and being withdrawn or cold. (Sigh..)

Olivia’s beautiful strong spirit has challenged me more than anything I have ever experienced. Guiding her has taken me to heights of euphoria and satisfaction to such depths of despair on the days when I feel totally unqualified for the task of caring for this soul.

My daughter is a sharp girl. A communicator, observant, intuitive, lively and strong spirited. I realize I have misunderstood her level of maturity, as well as often disciplining from a place of insecurity.

For example, it has not been necessary to explain everything we do. Especially when I say “no” there does not need to be an explanation why I am saying no. My explanations (“why”) have come in part out of my intention to respect her. I want to “foster her confidence, understanding and give her a voice in our home.

However, over explaining in a “no” situation comes from insecurity – about saying no and not being confident in my expectations, especially when she protests. Explaining is also irrelevant chatter from the place of a child and serves no benefit.

I am now reshaping many of the ways we communicate with our children. This is in order to hold their age more delicately, as in the Waldorf philosophy .

If we try to explain too much to children, to reason with them about what we want them to do or not do, we prematurely awaken their capacities of reason and intellect and pull them too early out of the dreamier world of childhood. Beyond the Rainbow Bridge

So, along came the blissful week I wrote Seeing.This was the week we stopped talking.

“Not talking” was inspired by a recent parenting workshop at our Waldorf School on Creative Discipline. I was reminded about some very simple ways to guide our children without the power struggles, excessive discussion, negotiation, explaining, bribing, force, threats, time outs etc..

Basically, the idea behind “not talking” is to lovingly guide your child into the next activity/task at hand through gesture or song. This means that I do not “call out or tell her” what I would like her to do next.

an example of too much talking would be:

“OK Olivia, it’s time to put your pajama’s on!”

“Liv, come and put your pajama’s on”

“Liv honey, come see mommy please, I have your pajamas ready”

“Do you want mommy to get you, or are you going to come yourself?”

(GOSH! Isn’t this irrelevant chatter for a toddler…!!!)

An example of not talking and guiding through “gesture” would be:

“Liv, you may put your baby to bed now ”

I let her have closure, and then gently but firmly say

“Come now, come with me” as I put my arms gently around her shoulder and guide her to her pajama’s.

We do this at dinner time as well.

Instead of calling out, we go to her and say

“Come, lets eat together” with an arm around her all the way to the table.

This method has been quite successful for us. She almost always moves to the next activity with ease. She seems to appreciate fewer words because she can navigate what is expected of her more clearly. Also, my firm gentle tone has lot’s of love in it. And still, she knows I am firm in what I am asking. I am more confident as well.

Gestures takes a little getting used to because at first it felt like we should be saying more, also, just over riding the habit of talking. Ever notice how often parents have to comment on every little thing their child does? Not talking has made me so aware of this chatter - a kind of a “hyper” parenting mode that is well intended but pulls children out of their dream space that is essential to proper emotional and mental development.

There is no need to fill the space with words. I think our kids appreciate this. It feels calm, secure and I can relax inside of it. Most importantly, using gestures allows Liv to BE…in her space, her world, without loading her with pointless parent chatter.

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The Week We Stopped Talking

3 Magical Ways To Create More Family Time

Monica — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 22:27:58 +0000

(Image: Pareeeica)

Do you find yourself wishing that you had just a little more time each day? Do you feel pulled between earning a living, your personal projects, managing the demands at home and spending quality time with your family? A hectic life is a reality these days but can get in the way of life’s most precious moments. Suddenly we find ourselves asking where all the time has gone.

Here are 3 little ideas that can magically slow time and help create more family moments that will last forever:

I See You

Everyone wants to know that they’ve been seen, heard and understood Most of all children. You can do all the right things as a parent and yet children can still grow up feeling invisible. Why? Somethings the right things are not always the most important. The key is in connection and one of the best ways to connect is simply through the eyes! Nothing is more enchanting than gazing into your child’s eyes while they tell you the most important story ever!

While it’s not realistic to lock eyes every single time your child has something to say, I use this as a reminder so that I don’t loose myself in the less glamorous aspects of managing the home.

When Liv is talking to me I remind myself to pause, come down to her level and listen to her words and heart. The sparkle in her eyes melts me every time and whatever I was working on is automatically put in it’s proper perspective. Locking eyes with your child helps to build their self worth and it will also bring more joy to these passing windows of time with family.

Axe That Hectic Schedule and Embrace Boredom!

Children need to experience boredom! My father is a private music teacher and each week he teaches children that have their whole week planned out for them. They hustle and bustle, each hour of their “free time” taken up with activities that are supposed to make them into a more well rounded person. He has observed that these children are much more high strung, less forgiving of their own “mistakes” and wary of taking on new challenges and risks. The children are literally vibrating from being over scheduled and I would feel exactly the same way!

Every child should have time to work through boredom on a daily and weekly basis. I believe finding positive ways to work through boredom enhances a child’s creativity and imagination, they learn to appreciate their own company and are less likely to fall into addictive behaviors as teenagers and adults.

There is an art to managing boredom. Things like TV, video games and junk food snacking are obviously off limits! Families who embraces the boredom that naturally evolves from creating an abundance free time will help their children naturally develop life skills that structured classes cannot duplicate.

Go On…Go ahead!

Throw down the dishtowel and rise to the occasion when your child makes another “pot of tea.” Shake your booty to Raffi and let the dust collect for just a few more minutes. Bringing spontaneity to the day is the best way I know how to shake the monotony of another wipe around the table chairs.

For me, being spontaneous is all about asking in the moment “how important ” is the task at hand? Liv is old enough now where I can ask her what she would like to do and I am prepared for her answer. (it’s not too complicated at this age!) Nine time out of ten, my task can wait and I get to have some guilt free fun because I have agreed to be spontaneous. Honestly, I know I benefit the most by loosening up more often!

At the end of the day Liv and I talk about what we did during the day. She always recounts the things we did together, even if only for a few minutes. It’s a nice way to close our days and I feel happy to have stolen back more precious moments in time.

Managing home life, hobbies and work is a work in progress and I’ve sure had my challenges this year. I am beginning to feel like I have a better handle on prioritizing my days, just in time for a new baby!

How do you steal moments from the hectic demands of life? Do you think children are too busy, too bored or too distracted?

Vaccinations:The Other Side Of The Debate

Monica — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 13:00:37 +0000

I want to say thanks to Green & Clean Mom for her 2 recent posts that discuss some concerns from both sides of the childhood vaccination controversy. She has reopened a discussion that needs to take place between parents and officials.

There is a Green Our Vaccines rally today in Washington with Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carey. The purpose of the rally is to provoke change by having the mandatory vaccine schedule reevaluated because children are receiving ‘too many too soon” and also to rally for the removal of all toxins from vaccines. Rallies like this are so important, regardless if you support vaccinations or not. These are opportunities for us to join together and demand a review of the current policy.

(Update: even though our media chooses to virtually ignore covering these stories – you can watch this amazing recount of the rally including powerful video, posted at To Think Is To Create

For too long, there has been absolutely zero room for a discussion with officials about the safety of vaccines. If the drug companies were to admit ANY possibility that there needs to be more studies and that there are some genuine issues that need to be evaluated, this would open up a huge can of worms and create doubt in the minds of parents. Doubt doesn’t bode well for business.

With the massive addition of vaccinations within the first 3 years of life, I’m wondering why so many are opposed to taking a really hard look at this policy??

If we can agree as parents, at the very least that:

We are headed into uncharted territory with the addition of so many new vaccines.
Kids are receiving too many too quickly.
There needs to be a removal of the toxins present in EVERY vaccine. (Mercury in thimerosal is only one of many toxins used). The overall toxic load of our society needs to be taken into consideration.
We are learning that a growing percentage of children many have underlying issues that parents are unaware of prior to vaccinating that may increase the chance of a reaction
That more studies are needed that include children who have NOT been vaccinated.
Vaccines need to be readily available as single shots so parents can make the best possible choice for their family

This is not a time to defend our personal decisions but to ask real questions, evaluate information, and seek change for the benefit of our children and future generations.

I’ve long known about the controversy surrounding childhood vaccines and yet I still went ahead with the first 2 set of shots. Looking back, I wish I would have waited. I know we went ahead without waiting was because of being overwhelmed as new parents and out of wanting to protect her we succumbed to the sense of urgency & fear presented by our health officials.

Because we had not yet researched the pro’s and con’s, I wish I would have afforded myself the time to educate myself even if it meant missing her first few appointments. This is my wish for every parent. That they make a decision with the best of their knowledge based on reviewing information from both sides of the debate.

One thing I have realized is that whether or not you choose to vaccinate , both decisions come with a certain amount of risk that we must accept. I have a heard time with health officials that continually relay the standard vaccine argument without ANY mention of side affects, precautions or the personal right to choose. There is more to the story and these days I find the standard pro argument in need of a major overhaul!

I have also noticed that many in my community however are seemingly unaware of those risks when going in to vaccinations due to the enormous trust they place in their health care professionals. I am no longer as trusting.

My daughter stopped receiving vaccinations after her 4 month appointment when she experienced a mild reaction. I reported the reaction to my health unit. I have never been followed up on or asked how she is doing. My doctor was never sent a copy of the details of the reaction. To date I still receive letters to have her immunized.

I’d like to fist say that my heart goes out to every parent that has endured the terrifying realization that you have a vaccine injured child. I hope you can take peace in knowing that there are many parents who are getting educated and I believe we can influence and create some positive change from these events. Despite skepticism from the government, doctors and pharmaceutical companies, I will never ever question the intuition of a parent who had a perfectly healthy child prior to vaccinations and now are faced with the painful reality of having a vaccine injured child.

Part of my investigation was to read countless stories of vaccine injuries. They are not easy to read. And the stories are not as rare as some are lead to believe. It was important for me to fuel the other side of the emotional component of this debate after being subjected to well meaning, yet fear based urging from our local health establishment to vaccinate. There are a lot of issues that need to be discussed. In raising these points it is perfectly understandable that we get emotional. This is a highly sensitive subject because it questions our choices. No parent wants to be in the position of having to defend their choices.

I believe we are at a critical time with media attention and parent bloggers to really push for a reevaluation of the current vaccination policy. Vaccinations are no longer a black and white closed case issue the way our health care officials report. It is time to take a look at the mass vaccination campaign and ask some important questions.

I would like to share the information and questions I asked myself while researching this issue. These are the important questions that every parent should seek answers to in order to make as informed a decision as possible. It is not an easy decision.

Some of you may not need as much information as I did to weigh in on the issue. If you want to cut to the chase, I recommend the following resources: Read this article that summarizes the main issues in the current vaccine policy. There are additional points raised regarding this article that can be found here.

I also HIGHLY recommend watching this video with Mary Tocco. She spent her entire life researching vaccines and is well educated on the issue. Support her mission to generate vaccine awareness by purchasing her 2 hour vaccine analysis DVD here. Also check out how the vaccine contraversy is covered by the media.

Please note that I have not included resources that are “pro vaccination” because they are relatively easy to access and most of us are already aware of this position. This information is intended to present the other half of the vaccination position. I have added my opinions but this is not intended to tell you what to do or what to think, only to consider that there is more to the debate that must be considered in order to make an informed decision:

What vaccines are recommended in the current schedule? Read about the diseases here.
Are there any court rulings accepting responsibility for vaccine damage? Read The Vaccine-Autism Court Document Every American Should Read, by David Kirby at the Huffington Post. In summary: “DVIC has concluded that the facts of this case meet the statutory criteria for demonstrating that the vaccinations CHILD received on July 19, 2000, significantly aggravated an underlying mitochondrial disorder, which predisposed her to deficits in cellular energy metabolism, and manifested as a regressive encephalopathy with features of autism spectrum disorder. Therefore, respondent recommends that compensation be awarded to petitioners in accordance with 42 U.S.C. § 300aa-11(c)(1)(C)(ii).”
The Hannah Poling case – what does a mitochondrial disorder mean for us?
Are there any doctors that question our vaccination policy? A link to MD’s articles here.
What is my own philosophy of health? This is so important! My health philosophy drives every decision I make whether I realize it or not. It’s important to realize that our philosophy is usually NOT established independently. There are many influences that determine our beliefs. Have a look at Germ Theory vs. Terrain/Cell Theory and decide where your health philosophy resides. Here is an excerpt from the VRAN Immunization Fact Sheet: “the vaccine theory” is based upon the “germ theory”, which says that disease is caused by germs. The germ theory itself has always been in question. We encounter billions of germs everyday but we do not get sick everyday. The “terrain theory” hypothesizes that viral infections are not caused by germs, but by toxic conditions in the body, which make it a favorable host for these organisms; that germs can have a symbiotic relationship with our bodies by feeding on and helping to eliminate toxins. So, the key to combating infectious disease is not to kill the germ but to make the body an unfavorable host: feed it healthy sources of energy and don’t poison it with toxins. Vaccinations introduce toxins into the body and may therefore actually cause illness.”
What happens when we are introduced to disease “unnaturally” and what are the benefits of the Th1, Th2 & Th3 cells? Read this article by Lawrence B Palevsky, MD FAAP on the balance that needs to be maintained with these cells and what happens when vaccines bypass the Th1 cells, which are stimulated by our skin coming into contact with bacteria & viruses. (information located on the lower half of the article, but entire article is very good.)
What are the ingredients in vaccines? View a list of ingredients in vaccines. When is it ever safe to inject a baby/child with known neuro-toxins such as mercury, formaldehyde, aluminum..? We are experiencing all time highs in the number of neurological diseases in children. We need to take a closer look at this! Removing thimerosal out of some vaccines is not good enough. There are still vaccines that contain thimerosol. Autism statistics are 1/150 – isn’t this cause for some additional unbiased studies?
Are vaccines really responsible for the decrease in the rates of disease? Have a look at these charts. Another chart here that questions the stand of the CDC & vaccine companies. Some important developments such as clean water, refrigeration, sanitation, transportation etc have been overlooked by the big pharma companies, quite conveniently, when crediting themselves for the decline of infectious diseases.
How effective are vaccines? Have a look at these historical tidbits. It is a false assumption to assume that my child is “immune” because of receiving a vaccine. This is an inconsistency within the establishment. They should be reporting that my child may still contract some diseases (which is obvious for every person that knows a child who developed an illness despite having been vaccinated for it) The establishment should report that they believe the illness will be less severe due to the vaccine, not that a child has lifelong immunity. If vaccines are so effective, why are we seeing a resurgence of vaccine related diseases – like new strains of vaccine related pertussis from vaccinated children?
How about the safety of vaccines? Here is the World Health Organization’s standpoint on adverse vaccine reactions. Here are the stories of families who report vaccine injuries in their children.
What is the acceptable risk I am willing to take on this issue? Am I willing to stand behind my decision if faced with a serious illness? These are good questions to ask regardless of your decision. I needed to understand how disease develops in the body. What are the constructive roles of some of the diseases on the immune system?
Conflicts of interest, shareholders and campaign endorsements? Here is an example of just one such conflict of interest. Notice the name Paul Offit in the article. He is the chief of infectious diseases at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. He denied any contribution vaccines had in an autism court case. Continue reading as you will see that “Dr. Offit is also one of the patent holders of the rotavirus vaccine (Patent Application number 353547), and the recipient of a $350,000 grant from Merck for its development. Additionally, he is a consultant to Merck Pharmaceuticals.” This is just one of many conflicts of interest! Most of pro vaccination “reasons” relayed to you by doctors etc are from studies funded by the pharmaceutical companies. The bottom line is that the current vaccine policy is BIG business. Remember, the purpose of a publicly traded corporation, such as MERCK, is a PRIMARY responsibility to its shareholders. Period. A reduced vaccine schedule means less money for the shareholders. Plain & simple. I have no problem with people making a profit, just not at the expense of human lives.
What are my legal rights? VRAN Canada reports that 3 provinces in Canada require exemptions. Here is some information about exemption forms for each state including Canada. Read carefully! There is some interesting information about our rights as “natural persons” contained there. More state exemption information can be found here. As far as I know childhood vaccination is not mandated in Canada, although parents will have to be diligent about maintaining their decision with schools and their doctors.
What are the precautions I should consider if I choose to vaccinate? I was not asked if Olivia had been sick recently, if she had been on antibiotics or had any immune system related illnesses. View these precautions prior to vaccinating.

In conclusion we decided: That we are willing to accept the risks of not continuing with vaccinations. That there is more than one way to prevent and treat illness & disease. We will commit to being as healthy as we can be. That we understand our immune system is the most powerful defense. That we are grateful to be able to have access to an abundance of choices that exist in our country, provided people respect the rights of individuals to choose.