Every parent gets overwhelmed at times. Can I manage all this? When do I get time for me?
I have recently been feeling this myself with the anticipation of our baby and the increased demands of caring for a newborn and a two year old. It’s not so much the arrival of a baby that has me overwhelmed, but more that I want to continue to nurture and develop my passions. I want to continue to grow professionally and personally, but know that I will have much less time in a few months to do these things.
All this has me feeling a little overwhelmed. How will I manage the juggling act? Am I expecting too much of myself? What should I let go of and what should I focus on?
While I try to navigate and manage my own expectations, I have been a little melancholic and introspective in the last few days.
These kind of feelings just need to work their course but have you ever felt that you have to “be strong for the kids?”
I still remember an interview that Demi Moore did where she was asked if she had any regrets about how she raised her girls. Do you know what she said?
She said she wished she would have allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of her kids. She said she was always the Mom who said “be strong and we’ll make the best of this.” A muscle through the hard times perspective.
When her girls reached their teen years, she saw that they would have benefited from seeing her feel deeply. Acknowledging the range of emotions that come up during stressful times so they learn that they are normal a normal part of living and can be healthy when accepted. That interview has stuck with me all these years.
As “parent”, I put on a bright face when I’m feeling down and share my thoughts with my husband in private. These days I’m not sure the “sunny side of the street” is always the best choice for us. I think anyone can agree it’s kind of pointless because your loved ones can always tell when you aren’t feeling right, can’t they?
Children are so perceptive, they deserve honesty. Watered down honesty, but honesty just the same. I also don’t believe in plaguing my children with adult issues either!
So instead of hiding, I have recently began to acknowledge any lingering emotions to Liv.
Because I have generally been more stoic or worked to find a positive way to approach the day, being vulnerable and honest about my feelings to my daughter is very new to me. She is quite young but displays a lot of empathy and curiosity for other children, so I see she is noticing emotions and genuinely upset to see another child hurt or crying.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this:
How does your family handle emotions? What do you say to your kids when it’s just not your day?
When a life event has impacted your family, do you “stay strong” or do you show your “vulnerability?”
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These are my thoughts on living a healthy and simple life. I'm a modern mom with some traditional ideas. At home, I try to clear the confusion from all the conflicting health and parenting advice with some common sense and a natural philosophy. This is the sanest way I know how to navigate the 21 century.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Demi Moore was absolutely right. My daughter told me recently that she has always resented the fact that I “sugarcoated” things.
Now that I’m more vulnerable, our conversations have gotten more “real” and we have become closer.
Hi Giyen. Yes REAL is exactly the word I was looking for while crafting this post. Being REAL and not sugarcoating! Thanks for sharing your insight on this as a parent with older kids than I have.
You just have to be real in front of your kids.
They intuitively know when something is up. If we tell them what’s going on, then they get to hear it from us instead of just wondering. I think they appreciate it.
For the most part, I do, but I worry at times if I’m not doing more harm than good. I want my children to learn that it’s okay to have bad days, and to share those bad days with others. At the same time, my daughter is thoughtful, and as such is one who worries a lot about others. Are my bad days making her worry too much about things beyond her control? By showing my emotions, am I causing her undue worry or concern?
It sure is tough being a Momma.
I have actually always told my son from the time he was 6 months if I’m having a hard time. Something like “I love you, but I really need to cook dinner/get some sleep/knit/drink a case of tequila
. I am going to read you one more book/play for 5 more minutes/let you nurse for 5 more minutes, and then I’m going to go do what I need to do. You can come with me, or you can sleep/play with toys/entertain yourself. And honestly, I think it has really worked. These days (he’s 23 months) when I get the exasperated tone, my son’s first response is to give me a kiss – very sweet and almost always helps. I think it’s important to express to him how I’m feeling when it’s just not my day, but also to let him know 1 I ove him and 2 it’s not his fault.
Hope, FWIW I think you’re teaching your daughter to be compassionate.
We can only scar our kids so much. Our love will pul them through it all.
Great blog. Thanks!